tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post4582200378570555869..comments2023-07-15T10:07:19.758-04:00Comments on My Spouse Is Dead: What We Can Learn From GriefVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-92048869205080541502008-04-25T01:35:00.000-04:002008-04-25T01:35:00.000-04:00Hi Daria,Thanks very much for posting a comment on...Hi Daria,<BR/><BR/>Thanks very much for posting a comment on my blog, and I'm glad you appreciate my efforts. Re-reading my post, I can see that indeed I was a bit fuzzy about my meaning. It must have been one of my late-night posts ;-) I'll try to be a bit more clear.<BR/><BR/>When I wrote "trigger grief," I really should have written "trigger pain" instead. Knowing what I know now, I would also remove references to events and conversations and only mention memories. Memories are the cause of all our problems in life, especially in bereavement. So I'd rewrite that sentence now as follows:<BR/><BR/>"If a memory triggers pain, I assume that this is a natural, normal response of my body."<BR/><BR/>I wrote about getting out of the way mentally because it is very very common for men to attempt to intellectualize grief. Men aren't supposed to have feelings, right? We aren't supposed to feel pain? Ya rite. I certainly have feelings, and I needed to learn how to give them priority over my intellect. You are right -- grieving is not so much a mental process, but it certainly is a physical process. I wasn't expecting this. So yes, I had to learn how to let my body express emotions physically and not be anxious, distraught, or embarrassed about that. Too bad for the poor person who sat next to me on the bus when I was crying all the way home :-P<BR/><BR/>I hope this clarifies things a bit. If not, please let me know, and I'll take another stab at it. Cheers!<BR/><BR/>VicVichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-16309143845278959422008-04-23T17:21:00.000-04:002008-04-23T17:21:00.000-04:00Hello Vic,This is Daria (Babciaboop) from Widownet...Hello Vic,<BR/>This is Daria (Babciaboop) from Widownet. I have begun to read your blog from the beginning and find it very helpful and easy to comprehend. This section, however, leaves me feeling as though I didn't get it: <BR/>*If an event or conversation or memory triggers grief, I assume that this is a natural, normal response of my body. I also assume that my body knows how to grieve and the way I can best help it is to "get out of the way" mentally and allow my body to deal with it as it knows best how to do. And finally, I assume that there is something new to learn from this, some wonderful opportunity to grow that is presenting itself to me.*<BR/>Could you please elaborate on this for me? When you say grief, are you describing all of the emotions that accommpany grief, such as guilt, anxiety, etc.? Do you mean that you allow your body to express those emotions physically? I'm just having trouble picturing this process.<BR/>I'd like to tell you, also, how much I appreciate that you are sharing the fruits of your growth through grieving with us. <BR/>Thank you,<BR/>DariaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com