tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post7711547752096771448..comments2023-07-15T10:07:19.758-04:00Comments on My Spouse Is Dead: First Year GrievingVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-67713551430274594482010-10-14T22:34:02.996-04:002010-10-14T22:34:02.996-04:00Hi Gina,
Thanks for your great comments, and I...Hi Gina,<br /><br />Thanks for your great comments, and I'm very sorry for your loss.<br /><br />You know, once I figured out that what I really wanted out of grief was peace, it became a very simple matter for me to look at every action I took in my life and ask a simple question: is this action bringing me closer to, or further away from, peace?<br /><br />Oftentimes, I wasn't able to answer that question yea or nay, but if I had any reason to hope that a given action would bring me closer to peace, I would pursue that action. I didn't care what that action was.<br /><br />That single decision, to pursue peace at any price, served me as a bright shining North Star as I struggled through the dark desert of my grief.<br /><br />I am so glad that you find this blog helpful, and I am glad I could give you a smile :-)<br /><br />May you find peace,<br /><br />VicVichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-88739278060472562572010-10-07T23:42:14.692-04:002010-10-07T23:42:14.692-04:00Vic,
I lost my 37 yr. old husband Roman suddenly o...Vic,<br />I lost my 37 yr. old husband Roman suddenly one month and one week ago. He was my best friend and I feel such an acute loss. I have a great support system but no one has really said anything that struck me as much as what you told "sad lady:"<br /><br />A great question you can ask yourself every day is, "how can I find peace?" <br /><br />I just want to thank you for your blog. It really seems like a labor of love for yourself, your wife, and all the bereaved spouses. Thank you. <br /><br />Oh, by the way, my husband and I used to call each other "Victor" as we loved the movie Smoke Signals. So finding your blog gave me a smile.Ginanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-1209265320385789442009-05-03T01:25:00.000-04:002009-05-03T01:25:00.000-04:00Hello sad lady,
I am very sorry for your loss. Wh...Hello sad lady,<br /><br />I am very sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing is very, very normal. Something that really helped me was to learn to observe my experiences and to let them be -- to accept my experiences for what they are.<br /><br />I am sure that your widow acquaintance means well, but please keep in mind that she is only an authority on one person's grief: her own. Her reality does not have to be your reality. <br /><br />You will hear things from other widows and widowers like, "grief is forever." That sounds too much like a death sentence (pardon the pun ;-) I much prefer the statement, "grief is a part of life." It doesn't have to be your focus for the rest of your life. You can choose to focus on other aspects of life. I have.<br /><br />After a ton of work on myself, and after my free <A HREF="http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml" REL="nofollow">Vipassana meditation course</A>, at 2 years I would often catch myself smiling and thinking, "I have no problems." Just so you have a bit of a contrast.<br /><br />It also really helped me to understand that much of grief is chemical in nature (see my posts on "<A HREF="http://www.myspouseisdead.com/2007/11/bad-trip.html" REL="nofollow">A Bad Trip</A>" and "<A HREF="http://www.myspouseisdead.com/2008/06/withdrawal.html" REL="nofollow">Withdrawal</A>").<br /><br />I hope you are able to find something of value on this blog, and please be easy with yourself. 6 1/2 months is early on yet, and it will likely get worse before it gets better, but it will get better.<br /><br />A great question you can ask yourself every day is, "how can I find peace?" Seek and ye shall find.<br /><br />May you find peace,<br /><br />VicVichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-37016687388174869462009-05-02T17:15:00.000-04:002009-05-02T17:15:00.000-04:00This is my first year as a widow and i feel so ove...This is my first year as a widow and i feel so overwhelmed and without hope.I have 1-2 weeks where I feel OK and then boom I cry for no reason .I miss him so much he was my best friend since I was 20.I had a lady that I know who lost her husband 2 years ago tell me it never gets better.I do not want to live like this,but I would never harm myself.I pray to god to take me which seems so wrong.Its been 6 1/2 months when will it be not so painful.sad ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04887693398815038350noreply@blogger.com