tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post8678128425912908111..comments2023-07-15T10:07:19.758-04:00Comments on My Spouse Is Dead: Passing The Two-Minute TestVichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-19020153285098834692014-06-17T09:32:33.415-04:002014-06-17T09:32:33.415-04:00My husband is dead too, and I am glad. He didn'...My husband is dead too, and I am glad. He didn't help me in my time of need! I helped him though cancer and ALS Lou Gherigs. What did he do for me. NOTHING!!!!!!!!! Good riddance!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-18079003639735673002012-10-31T18:31:02.752-04:002012-10-31T18:31:02.752-04:00Vic
Thanks for your blog. My wife died just a few...Vic<br /><br />Thanks for your blog. My wife died just a few months ago and I am still in the thick of it all.<br /><br />My lovely Anita was wrenched from me when she went on a flight to Finland, a previously undiagnosed brain tumor killed her.<br /><br />Like many who post here my wife was my best friend, my soul mate and my loving partner. We had a wonderful life based on living our lives. We were not wealthy but very happy. On my own blog I am writing about my experiences. As you seem to understand well its a horrible time and I often wonder why I go on.<br /><br />I have no question, only wanted to thank you for this resource<br />obakesanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13743339737847465926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-35774189475916436062010-03-17T12:40:29.042-04:002010-03-17T12:40:29.042-04:00Hi Chinmay, I'm very sorry for your loss.
You...Hi Chinmay, I'm very sorry for your loss.<br /><br />You pose an excellent question, one which I intend to answer with a blog post -- it is that important.<br /><br />Essentially, there is no contradiction. In fact, presence is <b>required</b> in order to go to the core of memories and pain.<br /><br />Presence is not so much a matter of suppression as it is a matter of focus.<br /><br />In my case, I had to focus on those memories and that pain and then be 100% present with the resulting feelings. The result was surprising.<br /><br />Presence is a tool. There are other tools, and in grief it is helpful to have a whole toolbox full of tools. Going to the core of a memory or pain is another tool. Both tools can work together.<br /><br />Look for my new blog posting shortly where I'll expand on this concept.<br /><br />And thanks for the great question :-) I'm sure others have been wondering the same thing, and I hope to shed some needed clarification on this issue for everyone's benefit.<br /><br />May you find peace,<br /><br />VicVichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-53541604487736860132010-03-11T00:38:45.211-05:002010-03-11T00:38:45.211-05:00Hi Vic,
Thanks for inspiring others and bringing ...Hi Vic, <br />Thanks for inspiring others and bringing your life back to track again. I lost my dear wife of 22 years on 2nd Feb 2010, and since then it has been a tough journey for me. The pangs come back occasionally, but I reassure myself not to give up. <br /><br />I am practicing the 'staying in the present' principle that you've recommended, and it works. I have had a few good nights' sleep since using the technique. <br /><br />But I have one doubt which I request you to clarify. Is staying in the here and now not akin to suppressing your memories of your loved ones or the incidents relating to death?<br /><br />Is it again not in conflict with your advice to suffer the pain of the memory intensely by going to the core of the memories and pain?<br /><br />ChinmayAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-38502529250213853542010-02-15T23:33:08.543-05:002010-02-15T23:33:08.543-05:00Hi Anonymous,
I'm very sorry for your loss. H...Hi Anonymous,<br /><br />I'm very sorry for your loss. How long has it been for you? I hope you're able to find some peace from my blog postings. Feel free to ask any questions you may have, and I'll do my best to help.<br /><br />May you find peace,<br /><br />VicVichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-4167772735274237662010-02-15T14:25:13.436-05:002010-02-15T14:25:13.436-05:00Cool Blog. Just what I needed at this moment. Look...Cool Blog. Just what I needed at this moment. Look forward to living in the moment. All I could do is give it a try. Nothing else is working. Lol.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-32271816400756932472009-01-15T20:28:00.000-05:002009-01-15T20:28:00.000-05:00Fate, I must have been directed to your site for a...Fate, <BR/><BR/>I must have been directed to your site for a good reason. I read some of your entries, and they make alot of sense to me. I need help. My husband passed away seven years ago. I am still, living in the past and the memories haunt me. I loved again for the last several years, and now he has left me. I am devastated. It is like the loss of my husband (20 years) has come again. So alone, so alone. Can't think of a better word. I look forward to reading your past entries. Glad you found new love,<BR/>cherish every second.<BR/>laurieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-143905904086478582008-12-30T04:10:00.000-05:002008-12-30T04:10:00.000-05:00Hi Vic, my hubby died 6 months ago in aplane crash...Hi Vic, my hubby died 6 months ago in aplane crash while at work, and though i try to cope with it bravely still at times feel very low, and after this incident i cannot belive in anything related to afterlife or spiritual things. I feel only i can help myself, but at times m too low and dont want to share it with people.<BR/>But when i saw your blog felt like wrting to you since you also been throught the same.<BR/>ThanksTriptihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01073386378965174389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-33783796482751392092008-12-25T01:55:00.000-05:002008-12-25T01:55:00.000-05:00Hi Tonyamd,First off, I am very sorry for your los...Hi Tonyamd,<BR/><BR/>First off, I am very sorry for your loss. I can appreciate your desire to move on and feel better, and it is definitely possible. I speak from experience :-)<BR/><BR/>You ask for my advice, so here it is: get yourself to a bereavement group as quickly as you can, and share with other bereaved people what you have shared with me. Or continue to suffer for another year or two, or five or ten. I'm purposely being blunt here because you need to take some action in order to feel better. That guilt will continue to circle around inside you until you get it out.<BR/><BR/>A great way to deal with guilt is to work through the exercises in the Grief Recovery Handbook (see link on left navigation menu). Over the space of 6 weeks, you are guided through the process of writing a letter to your dead husband, and in it you will express all your guilt, anger, love, remorse, and all your other emotions regarding him and your married life together. Then you read it aloud, and you say Goodbye. The key here is getting your emotions out. Get them out! Grief isn't something you can "keep to yourself" as you put it -- unless you want to feel like this for another 17 months.<BR/><BR/>As you read through my blog, you'll see lots of articles to help you disassociate from your mind. You are not your mind, nor are you that incessant stream of dialog either.<BR/><BR/>There's no point in getting into an argument with your mind when it hits you with a guilt trip. Instead, just acknowledge the mind chatter. Say out loud, "Thank you for sharing." If you acknowledge the mind dialog, it gives up on that train of thought. You'll probably need to do this a few times at first, as the mind is tricky and doesn't like being brushed off. As you get better at taming your mind, this becomes easier.<BR/><BR/>Lastly, read my post on <A HREF="http://www.myspouseisdead.com/2008/06/feeling-not-thinking-ii.html" REL="nofollow">Feeling, not Thinking II</A>, and do what it says. Yes, all five senses. Don't miss one.<BR/><BR/>I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you and your small children a wonderful Christmas.Vichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12604449367265697562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-78035385475301798062008-12-20T19:51:00.000-05:002008-12-20T19:51:00.000-05:00my husband died in a car accident 17 mo. ago. we h...my husband died in a car accident 17 mo. ago. we had a huge fight and i told him to leave (among other words) he left and 45 sec. he was gone. i heard the crash and went to the scene (terrible).i have so much guilt that i cannot shead. i have 2 small kids and they do well most of the time. i have never spoken to anyone about the way i feel, i am one that keeps it to my self. but this sucks i am tired of this and i want to feel better. i have medical conditions now that i never had before and they tell me it's stress, huge wt. loss. but it seems noone understands why i can't just get over it. if you ever have time and i know that times is hare to find but i would appreciate your advice. thanks TDtonyamdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07033298071800359372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-76135401390008831062008-10-22T09:48:00.000-04:002008-10-22T09:48:00.000-04:00Hi Vic,I came across your blog when searching on g...Hi Vic,<BR/><BR/>I came across your blog when searching on google for 'letting go moving on after death of spouse'.<BR/><BR/>I look forward to going back through the archives to understand the journey leading to where you are at now. <BR/><BR/>I have some similarities to your experience. My wife died in a car accident on May 1, 2004 leaving behind a 10 day old baby girl and a 4 1/2 year old boy as well as a devastated husband. <BR/><BR/>Take care and even if you aren't posting as regularly I still have much to read to catch up!<BR/><BR/>-SteveAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6215101825292415335.post-85512934890959358592008-10-18T15:29:00.000-04:002008-10-18T15:29:00.000-04:00Thankyou for your words !Very comforting, as alway...Thankyou for your words !<BR/>Very comforting, as always, when I find I'm not alone !!<BR/>My best-friend/hubby passed away 18mos ago & I still can't believe I've made it this far !<BR/>If you'd like my story, just let me know !<BR/>And yes, this has been the most difficult journey of my life !<BR/>And I don't think it'll ever be over !<BR/>God Bless you & your son !!<BR/>/sjgSheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13224488489368611047noreply@blogger.com