Thursday, February 14, 2008

In Your Own Time

We must travel in the direction of our fear.

— John Berryman, "A Point Of Age"

I never did like the expression "Time heals all wounds." Was I just supposed to sit back and wait for the hourglass of my life to pour out too? That seemed grossly unfair, especially as I had just seen the hourglass of Deb's life run out way too early. And besides, I have never been one to just sit back and let life happen (or run me over, as the case may be). I wanted Grief Recovery Tools, and I wanted them now!

Being an active griever is much different than being a passive one. The following Widownet article may be helpful in explaining some of the mindset you may want to adopt, especially if your grief is new, fresh, and horribly raw:


Let us change the supposedly cheering words, "Time heals all wounds," which often frighten the griever, to "In your own time." Thus we lift ourselves away from a passive waiting to an active doing. Any situation in which you participate and have some control, is always more promising and stimulating than the prospect of waiting.

Participating in your own grief is not a complicated process -

It takes courage to face facts and your real feelings.

It takes patience to accept and live through shock and suffering.

It takes a clear head to sift good advice from bad, to make decisions based on your very personal needs, instead of what friends and relatives believe you should do.

It takes self-analysis to look at yourself in the glare of truth and change what you know needs changing.

It takes self-discipline to work out of shock and suffering, to rejoin the human race with dignity and a sense of your own personal worth as an individual.

It takes a little common sense to plan your day so it will lead you closer to the goals you have set for your future.

It takes fortitude to reach beyond your environment for new friends and still remain on easy terms with old friends.

It takes imagination and willpower to present an optimistic personality to the world when your inner life is in shambles.

And yet, if you have given yourself time to accept the shock, time to suffer, you will be free – not of sorrow, but of suppressed emotions, and ready to take one step at a time toward your unknown, adventurous and promising future.

— Taken from "Up from Grief"

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